Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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