i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Your cock deserves a montage
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
