I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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