She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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