New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
