i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
