I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i would punch a child for taco bell
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
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The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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