She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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