Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
