lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
