omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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