Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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