So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
