i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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