I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
