I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize