I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize