i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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