when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize