can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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