Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
