You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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