I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
this will be a night to untag.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You ruined the universe
Randomize
