To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
