yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
