so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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