"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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