This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
