my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
