Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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