I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
