Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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