hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
