shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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