Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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