He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
