I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
