he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
