i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
