i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
