16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize