Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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