So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
