Quick, to the slutcave!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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