So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
