My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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