My liver just broke up with me...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
