Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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