we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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