so that wasnt chicken after all
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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