I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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