You work out of a Hotel?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
