I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
