I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
