She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
