fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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