Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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