Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
