I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize