I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
