Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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