my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
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it glows. i had to have it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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